Profiles in presence: TANYA HUGHES
Interview with TANYA HUGHES IN HER OWN WORDS:
For many end-of-life doulas, these words are relatable: “I came to this work from my own dying experiences. I wanted to enter a container where I could unpack and explore my own thoughts and feelings about the end-of-life. I took the (Peaceful Presence) training to help myself first.”
For Tanya Hughes, this desire had been catalyzed by events ten years prior when she endured the deaths of four loved ones within one year. The last person was her father, whose acknowledged illness and death spanned only three weeks. Within that time and its aftermath, Tanya witnessed the health care system at its worst and was thrust unprepared into decision-making and all of the after-death tasks one must handle. Sadly, no conversations had taken place to guide Tanya and her sister and she was left feeling, “This feels really wrong. . . It was an awakening.”
A few years later, Tanya’s own diagnosis of a life threatening illness brought everything back full force. Fortunately, her cancer was treatable with a very good prognosis, but going through the uncertainty and facing her own mortality created a desire to commit to end-of-life inquiry and the professional doula training. “Having this deep, scary, vulnerable first-person diagnosis that so many people go through, and to have it ideally turn into compassion and empathy. . . it gave me a greater understanding of what our clients go through. It prepared me to hold my seat in this work for people, to not turn away, to not feel terrified; to understand, yeah, this can happen to all of us and in this moment it’s happening to you.”
Tanya has spent her career offering healing modalities via massage therapy, multi-media arts, hermetic alchemy, somatics and plant studies. (https://www.amulettestudios.com/) Weaving in end-of-life service has felt like an ideal fit where she can offer education to clients that can be both “a form of self inquiry: deeply spiritual, or deeply pragmatic, helping clients check the boxes (with end-of-life planning). I don’t have an agenda other than to simply companion and to bear witness, to give you full permission to be wherever you’re at. How powerful is it that the ‘best medicine’ is to offer compassion and companioning! I’m working with a client right now, in her 80’s, who has said many times that this is the first time in her life that she’s really asking for what she wants. She’s not going to let anyone else tell her how to do this. I’ve spent my life people pleasing, now in my dying I’m taking a stand.”
Continuing on this path, Tanya has taken the Certified Nursing Assistant training and works at Hospice House in Bend, providing hands-on care to dying patients. “In this process of accompanying the dying, there are many folks who struggle with the physical process. I’ve witnessed time and again that while a person is dying, there can be this tactile gap, a shortage of people who are willing to do basic caring skills, which are not basic at all, but are profound, dignity preserving acts of care. As a bodyworker (massage therapist) for twenty five years, I felt, ‘I can do that’ and fill this gap, make this part of my skill set. I love this work, and as a CNA we spend the most time with patients. This experience has been tremendous and has informed my doula work by my being around dying persons so regularly. I am aware of so many more resources and approaches that can smooth out the end of life process as a result. My big big dream would be to create a role that would be reimbursed someday, as an Integrative Holistic EOL Practitioner that can incorporate massage therapy, aromatherapy, breath work, the hands-on CNA work and the doula work! I think about how we approach birth, with so much support and celebration. With dying, it’s the opposite. People leave the room as fast as possible. My hope is that as a culture, we re-claim death to be just as sacred as birth.”
In thinking about the gifts Tanya has gained by becoming a doula, she relates that “it really informs the way I live. I’m very aware that a long life is not guaranteed. I’m aware that my clock is ticking. It has made me more attuned to the moment, to being fully present to each conversation. That’s huge! I’m noticing what needs tending to a greater degree than usual. I’m not just thinking about my daily list; I think of my life within this current of moving through my day with presence. I’m more available; softer and more tender.”
Within Tanya’s practice, the doula training has helped her offer educational opportunities that stimulate conversations and empowerment around choices for people. She offers a two hour online module called “Death Talk” that enables participants to begin thinking and talking about death. It includes meditation, inquiry prompts for journaling, discussion in small groups, education about bodily sensations/reactions and whole group conversation. “Always Ending, Always Beginning” is a more sustained course and progressive facilitation with practice “homework” over four sessions. Tanya also uses Frank Ostaseski's “The Five Invitations–discovering what death can teach us about living fully” for a six week deep book discussion with prompts before each session and take-away practices one can employ to bring the author’s message into daily living.
In the four years since taking the Professional Doula Training with The Peaceful Presence Project, Tanya has taken the lessons into her heart and soul and continued on her personal and professional journey, authentically absorbing them for the benefit of herself and her community. What a remarkable way to honor this program while planting seeds of healing and change!